small village scene

Letters About Love and Relationships
Page 2

spacer Gif

Topic: Money and Relatives

WC Wrote

My Mother has been lying to me about a financial problem which she stole money about $5000 from me. It was an insurance settlement that I got but had to be cashed in her name.

She said I would only get $10,000 but it was more and she helped herself. When I confronted her, she lied. I did some checking and found out the truth.

She says she is sorry, but I don't believe her and says she has given us, me and my husband, money in the past.

Do I trust her again and forgive her? I feel she is very sneaky. I am very confused.

B Responded:

Personally I am not understanding all of this at all. I don't know why the money/check had to be in her name if it was yours.

Yes, you do need to forgive your Mother. Would you have forgiven her if she had taken someone else's money? Would you have stopped loving her if she had done this to someone else?

Money and other people, whether family member or friend, always has the potential to destroy relationships. I would advise you to 'take care' of what belongs to you without involving others in the future. The chances of such misunderstandings and misfortunes will likely not happen to you again.

village gif

Topic: Too Much Email

CC Wrote:

I have met many friends on the internet but some insist upon sending me up to 15 emails a day of chain letters, sites they find, and other funny things they want to share. How can I tell them that I cannot continue to receive all these things without making them angry at me?

B Responded:

Yes, this can be a problem. When you first meet people on the internet, you are delighted to receive all that everyone wants to share.

As your interests and projects increase, then too much email becomes a big problem.

My suggestion is to be honest with your friends. Simply tell them you can't handle all the email you are receiving these days and ask them to either limit the number of emails they send each week or request that they stop sending these types of email until your schedule permits it again, and you'll let them know when that time comes.

No one should be offended by this and you have the right to request it when it does become a problem for you. It's a common one on the internet.

I've had to ask my own grandchildren to stop sending the chain letters!

village Gif

Topic: Worries About The Future

RC Wrote:

My husband and I have recently discussed having a baby and this would be our first. The concern I have is his Mother.

She is not a happy person and all of his life has done very hateful things to him, and tries to do them even to this day. She is very manipulative and lies. She made a scene at our wedding and tried to break us up, before the wedding and now.

My concern is her reaction to the baby. My husband has gone so far as to tell me that she won't know anything about a baby unless she reads it in the paper!

He has grown children from a previous marriage, and when he separated from his first wife, his Mother took his children out of the state and kept them in hiding from him. It took him several years before he was able to find them. They all have emotional problems.

I'm not saying I think she will kidnap our baby, but I really don't want anything to do with her. Am I justified in not wanting her in the baby's life? What do you think?

B Responded:

You appear to be crossing a bridge before it's built. I would recommend not worrying and giving these thoughts much attention until you know you are going to have a baby in the family for sure.

Who knows what will happen between now and then and so it is fruitless to dwell on these thoughts now. While you may wish for the situation to be different than it is, it sounds as if it is completely out of your control. The problems were there before you came in the picture.

Concentrate on those things that you do have control of and that is making a good home for you and your husband and planning for a baby. Just 'do' what is right for you and your family and it should work out fine. You can only hope your feelings and those all around you will change given time, but don't punish yourself for feeling badly about things and people you cannot change.

village Gif

Topic: New Son-In-Law Problem

IL Wrote:

My daughter married eight months ago. Her husband is having a hard time sharing any of his time with her sisters and brother.

We live miles away and only see each other a couple of weeks out of the year. He always has to be with her when we are together. He feels that if she were to even spend just an hour alone with a member of her family that we are not accepting him.

We have told him that we want him to feel a part of the family. My daughter has tried to tell him that she also needs some time alone with us.

Are we being unreasonable in that some of the time we want to be with her while he is enjoying the company of his brother-in-laws who are more than happy to show him a good time?

B Responded:

No, you are not. He does have a problem, but, perhaps, time will take care of this. I can only wish you the best and hope his insecurities and/or possessive behavior will become more tolerable in time as you all work to help him overcome this problem or find ways to work around it.

village Gif

Topic: More In-Law Problems

GL Wrote:

My inlaws have been mad at me since June of last year because I found out that my 12-year-old stepdaughter was caught smoking dope and when I voiced my opinion they stopped speaking to my whole family, even their granddaughter who is only seven.

We went to my husband's grandmother's during the holidays and they all got up and left. They almost knocked me over to get out of the door. They never even spoke to their son, except to say with a mean and nasty look, you better speak to your daughter.

My husband feels like an awful Father and he never sees this girl anyway, and she lives about a mile away.

B Responded:

All you can do is 'weather the storm,' and my basic philosophy in this life is that it is not important that you always~~be~~right, but more important to~~do~~ what is right.

You will have to rise above it all, as hard as it will be obviously, and keep that in mind in your dealings with your step-daughter, your husband, and his family.

Concentrate on doing what's right for and with those most depending on your maturity--your husband and children. This is hard and frustrating but combined families are forever crossing these types of bridges and you just have to 'do' the best you can and let everything else take care of itself or themselves. Otherwise your own family will completely fall off the bridge and drown.

village Gif

Topic: Too Many Boyfriends

NG Wrote:

I am 13 years old. I don't know what to do. I have six or seven boyfriends and I have to ride with one of my boyfriends to a prayer meeting and at that meeting one of my other boyfriends is going to be there. What should I do?

I don't know what to do with all my boyfriends.

B Responded:

You, obviously, see that when you try to have too many boyfriends then you will always be having these stressful situations happen. It's no fun at all!

If you will notice, most people choose only one boyfriend/girlfriend at a time. You see why, I hope. It is less complicated and more fun.

You can have many friends who are boys, but you actually need only one boyfriend at a time. Surely, you see why and care enough about them all that you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Eventually, someone's feelings will be hurt, possibly even yours. One at a's easier on everyone, especially you.

village Gif

Topic: Love and Drugs

LJ Wrote:

I have been seeing a guy for four years and I love him very much. I have never loved anyone as I love him.

He use to do drugs, but got arrested and quit and was doing good at his meetings, AA and NA. He quit going to his meetings, and has started abusing his muscle relaxers.

We got into a fight about all of this, which was my fault, but he is ignoring me. I have called him to apologize and he wouldn't talk with me. I have called two other times but he just ignores me.

I have been through a lot with him, seeing him through his addictions, arrests, and all, but I've stuck with him.

One other time he ignored me for two months over my talking with his Mother. She is now dead, and he said he was glad and he didn't even go to see her or attend her funeral. During his drug days, he got mad at her for only trying to help him get off drugs. He holds resentments easily, but I still love him.

Shall I call him again? or leave him alone? or forget it? or what?

B Responded:

Personally, I would not call him again. You have apologized and after three calls, then he obviously knows that you are wanting forgiveness. It appears it is his turn, if he can find it in his heart, to forgive you or, at the very least, continue the relationship where it left off. You've waited before so I suppose he will expect you to do it again.

I'm afraid that you will not find any emotional security in this relationship. It's about his drugs, it sounds.

My hope for you is that you are not confusing the feeling of 'responsibility' with the feeling of 'love' since you have been through so much with him. You obviously are committed to him and only you can decide if you are willing to take the back seat with no commitments from him and perhaps ending down the road as his Mother did....his resentment, not attending your funeral and stating that he is glad you are gone.

Personally, life is too short to spend it in battle, worry, and resentments. While you wait for his forgiveness about what I can only view as concern and has the potential to completely destroy this relationship and person, I'd think about it all (the total relationship) and ask myself some very serious questions. If he were to call, then it's your turn to decide if this relationship is truly worth it.

village Gif

Topic: Missing The One You Love

HM Wrote:

I fell in love last year with someone while attending the University. I am 19 years old and he is 20 years old.

He calls me but my parents are not accepting and allowing me to love someone because they think I am too young. I cry everyday because I miss him and he lives so far away.

I will see him again at the University this summer, but how can I make it until then?

B Responded:

While your heart aches wanting to be with him, do remember that many a couple, who loves each other, has to be separated for many different reasons. Some because of individual goals, and thus the choices must include an absence from one another for the ultimate betterment of the couple, or because one might be in the armed services and the separation is beyond their control, etc.

These couples have to simply place confidence in their love for one another and to wait with great anticipation until they are together again. Each having to do what is necessary to keep life on track during the absence. If they all cried everyday, then the world would be full of crying people, don't you think?

Time, too, takes care of so many things. Simply give 'time' a chance to make your love for one another grow stronger, while completing your degrees at the University, and, perhaps, your parents too will see that your love and his love is good and meant to be. Stay on track at school, and keep in contact with him and soon you will be seeing him again. You have so much to look forward to so do stop crying and count the many blessings you have in hand. If it is meant to be, it usually will be!

village gif

Topic: Am I Fickle?

LG Wrote:

I am 40 years old, involved with a man only 30. We live together. While I truly believe that I love him, I find myself attracted to his older brother, who is 35.

We have formed a close friendship. He listens to me and even advises me about things. The man I live with cares for me, but we have differing interests and values sometimes. He's very into video-games, loud music, and living each day as it falls. His brother, though he claims to be a playboy, has shown me that this is not really true. Am I fickle or what?

B Responded:

Fickle means inconstant, capricious. Capricious means unrealiable, ruled by whims. What do you think?

It sounds as if your affection could go to the horse with the best teeth. You need to rethink what you are saying...all of it.

Too, remember that blood is usually thicker than water and women. Your boy and playboy could leave you out in the cold, so be careful here and be honest with yourself or somebody.

Fickle or what? It may be or what and you are just intrigued (meaning aroused in interest and/or curiosity) with both; loving neither, since you seem so unsure of so many things.

Thanks for visiting B Archives

Topic: Love Fights?

WJ Wrote:

What would you do if you and your boyfriend had a fight and you were the one who went to jail? He punched me in the face but the police let him go. We went to court and he put a no contact on me. I've been advised to press charges against him for punching me and I have. The only thing is that I love him.

B Responded:

I would start referring to him as my ex-boyfriend immediately. Physical fighting between men and women, police, and courts are not love by anyone's standards. It's abuse.

You need to do everything possible to realize this isn't love. He doesn't want you near him and that restraining order confirms it. Why in this world would you want him? Take hold of your life and rid yourself of any thoughts about him period.

thanks for reading the letters

Topic: Argue or Not?

RW Wrote:

I have been living with my ex-husband for many months. We have three small children. We do not get along. We argue a lot and in front of the children.

He works all the time and doesn't spend time with the children. I like to go out sometimes and he gets upset, so I don't go much. The house is now flooded in the basement from all the rain. I asked him to fix it or call someone to do it, but, of course, he doesn't do it. I get upset because he doesn't do anything to the house when he is here.

I don't want to hurt my children, so I'm not sure if I should move out or try to stay.

B Responded:

I am not sure what your purpose is for the children, yourself or him, to divorce yet continue to live with him. It appears to be the same problems unresolved. You both need to go to a marriage counselor. There are three children to think about in this relationship.

It is going to be difficult for the children to grow up to be mature adults when the parents have not yet done so themselves. You need to seriously consider why you stay with him. Is it love or what? Then make your decisions. Personally, I would also pick up the phone myself and call someone to fix the basement that is full of water.

spacer gif

| Home | Site Map | Meet B | FAQ | Letters | Archives |
| Search | Help | Shop | Web Rings | Awards |
| Submit a Question |'s Love Quote of the Day