My parents, however, will not approve. How can I convince them that this is a good idea?

B Responded:

I do not think that you can convince them or change their minds about their values. If you think you are correct, then I suggest you be honest with your parents about what and why you are doing this. You owe them honesty.

Given time, parents find a way to validate what their children do, just because they love them. Parents are the one to 'catch' children when they fall, as they did when only small children, if bad decisions are made or they are hurt. It is all part of parenting. Surely this is not the first decision you have made that tested their parenting skills.

B Responded:

Personally, I think your wife is being ambivalent and her old friend is being extremely rude, insensitive and totally out of line!

The bonds of friendship do not have to be broken once you marry; however, they do change, to include the feelings of a spouse and the spouse period.

I do not think it is being unreasonable or having too many expectations for you to want your wife to be honest with you, nor is it too much to not want such calls coming into your home. I'm still wondering why you aren't included in any of their visits together or at the very least receiving an invitation to join them, even if you don't want to go.

B Responded:

Always remember that you~~married~~her son and it is with him that you should build that family and its closeness that you want and how you want it. Your Mother-In-Law may never show you how she feels, but you will have to learn to accept her as she is; not second guessing her thoughts. Especially after a cancer scare, her aloofness more than likely has absolutely nothing to do with you. Her aloofness could even become more obvious as she becomes more concerned about herself and perhaps more easily worried about her own health.

You say that you know she is happy you married her son. Many cannot even say that so be glad about what you have and do feel. You just have to accept that you cannot change behaviors of others simply because you married into the family. Closeness and forever 'bonds' between individual family members come in many ways and sometimes after many years. Build with what you have and you'll be fine.

Your Mother-In-Law is very lucky! (and I bet she knows that).

Topic: Wants Someone To Love Them

B Responded:

As I've stated many times, I am not a psychic; however, I would say 'yes' you can and will.

My thoughts are based on the fact that serial killers find those who appear to fall in love with them even after they have confessed and been convicted of such crimes. Then, on the other end, you find men of God, priests, who give up every vow to marry when the 'love bug' bites. It can happen to anyone, yes?

So, my thinking is that you surely fit somewhere in between and thus you, too, will someday find that person who will love you just as you are.

I recommend that you look in the right places and be ready when that day comes. Good luck!

Topic: Wondering Is Love Worth Giving All

B Responded:

Only you can decide when you have taken enough abuse in the name of love. Then, you'll have to make some tough decisions and stick by them just as you probably did when you divorced.

The two of you obviously chose not to marry; however, I think you might be wise to seek help that doesn't involve the heart, perhaps a lawyer, to be sure that not only your heart but your pocketbook too is not left 'out in the cold' down the road.

It sounds as if your hard work may have been instrumental in the success of the businesses. You have little now and will have little if you leave this situation, after so many years of both an emotional and a physical investment. You do need to start thinking about yourself.

You appear to realize where this has the potential of going, and that it may already be there. Now you just have to decide how much pain you can handle and how much determination you can muster to change things for yourself. Only you can make up your own mind and/or change any of it, whether you go or stay.

Topic: Internet Romance Victim

B Responded:

I am sure I would feel exactly as you do! Statistics, however, say that one in three marriages will experience infidelity. That's scary! Infidelity in thoughts and deeds lead to such destructive behavior.

The internet only provides another avenue for those, whether male or female, who choose to ignore their marriage vows and who choose to find any excuse in the book to be immoral, irresponsible, generally reckless, and forever seeking those greener pastures that are never greener. All 'new' things, e.g., emotions, people, etc., become 'old' in time.

If I've learned anything in this life then it is 'you reap what you sow' anywhere and everywhere, including the internet. To be responsible for what he and this woman have harvested is frightening to think about.

Topic: Loves A Married Woman

B Responded:

I don't know. The only thing that comes to mind are these two things:

1) It's good that you see that you can 'love' again;

but

2) "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

With both of these things in mind, I'd change that situation and find someone I didn't have to wonder about and whose love isn't going to hurt others including you....move on, sir! This is no good for anyone.

Topic: Lonely Weekends

B Responded:

You need a 'plan of action' I think. First, I recommend that you again try to discuss this with your parents and ask them to help you make a plan.

Then I recommend that you start expanding your list of friends, as not all friends must be the absolute 'best friend only.' There are probably a lot of others that you would like if you got to know them better.

Next, I would plan to invite one or even two of those friends over at least twice a month on the weekends. You could get a favorite video to share, plan a trip to the mall with your Mom, or plan to go to the movies or just think of any reason to do something special and to invite a friend or friends.

Then get active with some organized groups at school. Usually, specific groups or school clubs plan weekend activities and/or trips during the school year. Participation in these activities also will help you expand your friendships with several new kids your own age.

Good luck! I feel sure you can try any or all of the above and lessen that loneliness you feel on weekends.

Topic: How To Know If You Are Liked

B Responded:

You don't say how old you are. You could be age 8 or 18 or older. With as little information as I have, this is what I would suggest.

Most times, whether male or female, if someone likes you then they make the effort to be with and talk with you whenever possible. If you like someone, then you must do the same.

Do you know if this boy is online? If so, then send him an email. Start building a friendship relationship between you.

What I'm getting at is that you must "extend your hand in friendship" to him...to anyone...to start building a relationship.

Once that is established, then you'll soon know if he likes you. You can always tell when someone likes you, too, because they will extend their hand in friendship to you.

I would make several attempts because sometimes the timing may not be right...meaning there could be a valid reason, not having anything to do with you, that the person doesn't immediately respond back.

After a few times of showing your interest, and you get no response back, then I would not pursue it any further. There are other boys who~~will~~want your friendship and interest. Do write again if you don't understand what I'm saying.

Topic: Out of Love

B Responded:

If you absolutely must tell someone this, then gentle honesty is always the best policy.

First, search your own heart and examine your own motives and feelings. Be sure this is exactly how you feel before doing anything.

I have no idea if this is a friend, spouse, or whomever. So with that in mind, my advice is only a broad statement of be honest with yourself first, then be honest with the other person.

Topic: Cheating Husband!

NY Wrote: